Strength of Struggle Q&A #9: When Doing Your Best Still Feels Like Falling Short

Q:
Dear Rabbi,

I’m trying to live a Torah life, but emotionally I’m not like everyone else. I struggle with anxiety and depression, and just getting through the day can take everything out of me. Because of that, I sometimes daven shorter, avoid social situations, or need more downtime than others.

I see people handling pressure, learning better, working, and more involved in chesed. I feel like I’m always doing less than others. I’m doing my best, but it never feels like enough, and I’m even letting Hashem down.

What does the Torah actually expect from someone like me?

— Yosef

A:
What you’re describing is not a lack of effort or sincerity. Living with anxiety and depression can make even simple things feel heavy, and that can be very discouraging. The fact that you still care and are asking this question already matters more than you think.

The Torah does not measure people by how they look compared to others. It measures effort within your reality, not someone else’s capacity.

Much of the pain here comes from an unfair comparison thought: “I should be able to function like everyone else.” That thought feels moral, but it is not accurate. Different nervous systems require different pacing.

Another common trap is all-or-nothing thinking. If I cannot do everything, I feel like I am doing nothing. In reality, showing up partially while respecting your limits is still showing up.

The Torah does not expect you to break yourself to serve Hashem. It expects honesty, effort, and responsibility for your health. Living within your emotional bandwidth while staying connected is avodas Hashem too.

A helpful reframe: “I am not doing less. I am doing what is possible for me today.”

One practical step: instead of asking “Why can’t I be like them?” ask “What is one small, realistic way I can stay connected today without overwhelming myself?”

Hashem should give you comfort to stand in your own shoes and grow in your connection to Him.