Strength of Struggle Q&A #4: Social Anxiety and Panic

Q:
Please keep me anonymous. I feel stuck because of social anxiety and panic attacks in social situations. I avoid a lot of events and that only makes the fear stronger. When I do push myself to go, I panic and then feel worse afterward. I do not know what to do anymore.
— Anonymous

A:
Thank you for writing. What you are describing is very real and very common. You are not broken and you are not alone. Your nervous system is reacting to situations that it now interprets as danger.

Avoiding social situations brings relief in the moment, but it teaches the brain that the situation was unsafe, so the fear grows. Forcing yourself into something too big is not the solution either. When the step is overwhelming and panic hits, the brain takes that as proof that the fear was correct.

When Hashem describes removing the inhabitants of the land slowly, the Torah says:
“מְעַט מְעַט אֲגָרְשֶׁנּוּ”
“Little by little I will drive them out.” (Shemos 23:30)

This is true for us as well. In CBT this is called exposure therapy: you introduce something slowly, so your system can learn safety without becoming overwhelmed.

Two tools that help:

1. Make the step smaller.
Instead of the whole event, go for five minutes. Instead of entering a crowded room, stand at the doorway and then leave. Small wins teach safety faster than big ones.

2. Separate panic from danger.
Panic is the alarm, not the fire. Slow breathing, feet on the floor, noticing the room, tells the body: I am uncomfortable, but I am safe.

With smaller steps and the right approach, this can change over time. Wishing you calm progress and the strength to take this one step at a time.