Strength of Struggle Q&A #18: When the Sirens Don’t Let You Rest

Q:
Dear Rabbi,

I don’t even know how to write this properly.

Since everything started again, I feel on edge all the time. The sirens. Running down five flights to the shelter. Trying to get the kids up in the middle of the night. Putting them back to sleep. Then not sleeping myself.

The schedule is completely off. No one is sleeping properly. The kids are fighting. I’m exhausted. My office is closed and I’m stuck at home.

Every noise makes me jump. I know I check the news too much. I tell myself I need to stay updated, but it just makes me more anxious.

I know we’re supposed to have emunah and bitachon, faith and trust. I do believe Hashem is watching over us. But right now, I just feel stuck.

How do I stay normal like this? How do I calm down when this is the reality?

– Chanoch

A:

Dear Chanoch,

First, what you are describing is normal.

Running down five flights in the middle of the night. Waking children. Putting them back to sleep. Then lying there with your own heart still racing. That is not a small thing. The body is being activated again and again. Of course you feel on edge.

You are not lacking emunah. You are lacking sleep.

When the nervous system is repeatedly triggered, it stays alert. Every sound feels significant. Every notification feels urgent. That is not weakness. That is biology.

The Torah does not demand that a person pretend danger does not exist. It commands responsible hishtadlus (effort), When there is a siren, you go to the shelter. That is not fear. That is obligation.

Bitachon, Trust in Hashem does not mean your body will not react. It means you choose how to interpret the reaction.

Right now your mind is trying to regain control. That is why you check the news. It feels like information equals safety. In small amounts, that is true. In large amounts, it feeds the anxiety.

You need structure.

Decide on specific times to check updates. Outside those times, close it. Not because you are ignoring reality. Because you are protecting your nervous system.

You also need micro-resets.

After you come back from the shelter, before you go back to bed, take one slow breath. Inhale for four. Hold for four. Exhale slowly. Tell yourself quietly, “Right now, we are safe.”

That sentence matters. Your body needs present facts, not future possibilities.

Another important point. Your children are watching you. Not to see if you are never anxious. But to see how you handle anxiety. When you calm your voice even if your heart is racing, you are teaching resilience.

Do not demand calm from yourself. Aim for steady.

Keep basic anchors:
• Eat regularly.
• Drink water.
• Get sunlight during the day.
• Move your body, even ten minutes.
These sound simple. In stressful periods, they are stabilizers.

And speak to Hashem in plain language. Not polished tefillos (prayers). Just, “I’m tired. Help me handle this.” That is real bitachon.

You asked how to stay normal.

Normal right now is not relaxed. Normal right now is alert but functioning. Tired but showing up. Concerned but not collapsing.

You are doing more right than you think.

May Hashem guard your home, give you strength in the night, and grant you true quiet soon.

And may the Jewish people see an end to our pain with salvation and joy as it says in the megillah (fill in something relevant).