Strength of Struggle Q&A #12: Overthinking at Night

Q:
I stay composed during the day, but at night my mind won’t shut off. I replay conversations and worries and can’t relax. What can I do?
— Dovid

A:
First let me tell you: you are completely normal. Many people experience this. During the day, your mind is distracted by tasks. At night, when things get quiet, the brain finally has space to bring up unfinished thoughts, worries, and emotions it didn’t process earlier.

The mind thinks that if it can review, analyze, or replay everything, you’ll gain control. But instead of helping, it exhausts you.

If I tell you: “Don’t think about pink flying elephants,” what happens? The brain does not understand “don’t think.” So fighting thoughts often makes them louder.

The Gemara in Berachos 55b brings the pasuk:
“דאגה בלב איש ישחנה”
“When there is worry in a person’s heart, let him quiet it.”

Rashi explains: push it aside from the mind. The Meiri explains: speak it out to someone else. The message is not suppression. It is gentle redirection, either by expression or by shifting focus.

Tools that genuinely help:

• Redirect, don’t fight.
When a thought comes up, say: “I’ll think about this tomorrow at 11 AM.” Your mind relaxes when it knows the thought has a place.

• Ground your body.
Slow breaths, feet on the floor, noticing the room, signals safety to your system and quiets the mental noise.

• Give your mind something gentle to rest on.
Even a short pasuk like: “ה’ רֹעִי לֹא אֶחְסָר” “Hashem is my Shepherd; I lack nothing,” can shift you from control to trust.

With a few small shifts, the nights can get much calmer. May Hashem give you quiet, steady thoughts and peaceful rest.