Strength of Struggle Q&A #1: He Is Warm, But I Don’t Feel It

Q:
Dear Rabbi,

My husband is very warm, loving, and giving. But I don’t feel it. I want to have more communication with him. I really want to show respect. I want to become stronger and more positive. Thank you.

— Sarah L.

A:
What an honest question. Sometimes there is a gap between someone’s actions and how we emotionally receive them. Stress, old patterns, and different “languages” can block the feeling of connection.

A practical starting point is not a dramatic change. It’s training your emotional radar.

Tools for communication and positivity:

1. Name what you see.
Each day, notice one act of warmth or giving and say it out loud: “I really appreciated that you…”

2. Request, don’t complain.
Instead of: “You never talk to me.” Try: “I’d love if we could sit for 10 minutes after supper to catch up.”

3. Reframe the thought.
Instead of: “He doesn’t care or else I’d feel it.” Try: “He does care. My work is to open my heart to notice it and invite more of what I need.”

4. Gratitude practice.
Write down three things daily that you respect or admire about him, even if small. Over time, this shifts what your mind registers.

May Hashem bless your home with love, respect, communication, and peace.