CBT ToolTalk #9: Taming the Inner Critic: How to Challenge Negative Automatic Thoughts

Have you ever walked out of shul feeling like your davening wasn't good enough? Or maybe you spent hours in the beis medrash but still convinced yourself you'll never ‘get it’? You give so much of yourself to your children, but you keep feeling like it’s not enough… These fleeting, negative thoughts that pop up in response to situations are called Negative Automatic Thoughts (NATs). While they can feel powerful, they're not truths - they're just the first thought that come to you.

It's important to distinguish NATs from Limiting Beliefs. NATs are fleeting thoughts, triggered by something that happened Limiting Beliefs (See “The Inner Critic” above), on the other hand, are deeper-seated convictions that hold you back.

Think of NATs as the smoke - the initial reaction - and Limiting Beliefs as the fire that fuels them. By challenging your NATs, you can weaken the underlying Limiting Belief.

Our thoughts shape our reality. "For as a person thinks to himself, so is he" כי כאשר שער בנפשו כן הוא (Mishlei 23:7). The Baal Shem Tov said, " The world is a reflection of how we see it " Our perspective, shaped by our thoughts, determines our experience.

Examples of Negative Automatic Thoughts:

"I messed up that line in davening. Everyone is judging me."

"This challah isn't perfect. Shabbat dinner is ruined."

"My friend didn't say hi. They must be mad at me."

"If I don't get into this yeshiva, my whole future is doomed."

Overcoming NATs:

• Challenge the Evidence: When a NAT strikes, question its truth. Ask yourself, "Is that really true?" or "Is there some other way for me to look at this?"

• Rewrite the Narrative: Come up with more balanced response that reflects a more honest view of the situation. Instead of "I messed up that line in davening. Everyone is judging me.” How about "Everyone makes mistakes during davening. I can focus on the next part and continue with kavanah (intent)".

• Picture Success: Visualize yourself calmly navigating situations that typically trigger negative thoughts. This positive rehearsal builds confidence. See yourself messing up some of the Shabbos food and calmly accepting it as a mistake and not a representation of you as a failure.

• Journal it: Track your negative thoughts and identify patterns. This awareness empowers you to challenge them (see the article on Journaling from 2 weeks ago)

• Relax and Recharge: Stop, take a deep breath, and try to relax. Allow yourself to relax. Anxiety fuels negativity.

• Affirm Yourself: Repeat positive statements that counter self-doubt. Choose affirmations specific to your goals or challenges. “I am a capable person! That yeshiva doesn’t determine my worth or my value.”

• Reward Progress: Acknowledge your victories! Celebrate successfully challenging a negative thought or practicing positive self-talk.

Getting practical:

Identify your NATs: Throughout the day, catch yourself when you have a negative thought. Write it down in a journal or on your phone, along with the situation that triggered it.

Challenge your NATs: Ask yourself questions like: " Is this thought realistic? Is it helpful? What evidence supports this thought? Is there another way to look at this situation?"

Replace your NATs: Once you've challenged your negative thought, reframe it into a more positive, realistic one. For example, replace "My friend didn't say hi. They must be mad at me." with "Maybe they didn't see me, or they're preoccupied. I can greet them later or ask if everything's okay.

Seek Support: If you find yourself struggling with overwhelming negativity, don't hesitate to seek support from a Rabbi, therapist, or trusted friend. Talking things through with someone who can offer guidance and encouragement can be incredibly helpful.

The Vilna Gaon was once facing a challenge. A flickering candle mirrored his discouragement. A voice reminded him, "Even a small flame can rekindle a larger one”. This reminds us that even small positive steps, like rekindling a flame, can overcome negativity and lead to greater achievements.