CBT ToolTalk #69: Did I Really Say That?

In Parshas Shelach, the spies returned from Eretz Yisrael and described what they saw. The cities were fortified. The people were powerful giants. Even the fruit was enormous.

Those were facts.

But then they added their conclusion:

"לֹא נוּכַל לַעֲלוֹת אֶל הָעָם כִּי חָזָק הוּא מִמֶּנּוּ"

"We cannot go up against the people, for they are stronger than us." (Bamidbar 13:31)

And the nation accepted it.

The Gemara says:
"אַתֶּם בְּכִיתֶם בְּכִיָּה שֶׁל חִנָּם"
"You cried a baseless cry." (Ta'anis 29a)

Think about it, an entire nation adopted someone else's fear.

Ten people said, "We can't."

Millions of people started saying the same thing.

We see this elsewhere in the Torah as well. Rashi points out that Korach's followers, Dasan and Aviram, were his neighbors. Rashi famously comments:
"אוי לרשע ואוי לשכנו"
"Woe to the wicked person and woe to his neighbor." (Rashi to Bamidbar 16:1)

People influence each other.

Ideas spread, attitudes spread, fear spreads, negativity spreads and unfortunately, sometimes those voices move inside our heads and start sounding like our own.

And more often than not those voices become our beliefs.

Sometimes those beliefs come from things people said to us years ago. A parent, teacher, sibling, or friend may have planted an idea that stayed with us. Other times they come from life experiences. A failure, rejection, disappointment, mistake, or embarrassing moment can slowly become part of the story we tell ourselves about who we are.

The event becomes an identity.

The experience becomes a definition of who we think we are.

Just because a thought shows up automatically doesn't mean it's true.

A thought can feel true, sound true and can feel very familiar.

And still be completely wrong.

Many people spend years fighting the wrong battle.

They argue with themselves. They try to force themselves to think positively. But they never stop to ask a much more important question:
Where did this idea come from in the first place?

Who convinced me that I was inadequate?
Who convinced me I wasn't capable?
Who convinced me I was broken?

And sometimes the answer is nobody.

Sometimes it was years of disappointments and painful experiences slowly shaping the way we see ourselves. Eventually we start treating it as the reality of who we are.

A mistake is something you did. It is not who you are. The same is true of a failure, a weakness, or a bad day.

A person is a creation of Hashem.

A person has strengths, gifts, and potential that often become hidden behind years of self-criticism.

The voice in your head may be loud.
That doesn't make it right.

🛠 Getting Practical:

This week, pay attention to one negative thing you regularly say about yourself.

Maybe:
"I'm lazy."
"I'm awkward."
"I'm bad with money."
"I always mess things up."

Then ask yourself:
Where did I learn this?
Was it something someone said to me?
Was it a conclusion I reached after a painful experience?
Is this actually my voice, or is it someone else's opinion that I eventually made my own?

The goal isn't to argue with the thought. Just notice where it came from. Sometimes a thought loses much of its power when we realize it was never really ours to begin with.

Bottom Line:

The Jewish people accepted the spies' fear and made it their own.

We sometimes do the same thing.

Not every voice in your head belongs there.
Not every thought deserves your trust.

The fact that you've heard something for years doesn't make it true.