CBT ToolTalk #64: Who’s Running You Right Now?

In Parshas Emor, the Torah gives very high standards for the Kohanim. They are meant to represent something whole, something elevated, something steady. They serve as representatives of the people in a higher space, and in a certain sense, they model what it means to live with awareness and responsibility.

Hashem speaks to Moshe saying:

אֱמֹר אֶל הַכֹּהֲנִים בְּנֵי אַהֲרֹן וְאָמַרְתָּ אֲלֵהֶם…

“Speak to the Kohanim, the children of Aharon, and say to them…” (Vayikra 21:1)

Rashi explains that this double language, “Speak… say to them,” is to warn the older ones regarding the younger ones. The adults are responsible to guide the next generation.

On a simple level, that’s about educating generations.

But it’s also happening inside you.

There’s a part of you that is reacting, feeling, overwhelmed. And there’s another part of you that can step back, think, and guide.

When you’re in a difficult moment, your “younger” self is looking for direction.

The question is:

Who is leading right now?

Or even stronger:

How do you lead yourself when you don’t feel put together?

If the reactive part takes over, things escalate quickly. Thoughts spiral, emotions intensify, and you feel less in control. But if the calmer part of you steps in, even slightly, everything shifts.

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What We Get Wrong:

When something goes wrong, we don’t just deal with the issue.

We add a second layer:
“I shouldn’t feel this.”
“I messed up again.”
“What’s wrong with me?”

That second layer is what really pulls a person down.

That’s where the Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) show up and take over:
“I failed again.”
“I’m so dumb.”
“How could I be so irresponsible… again?”

And once that happens, we stop acting.

Not because we can’t. Because we feel disqualified.

We assume we’re supposed to be the Kohen, always steady, always “holding.” And when we’re not, we think we’re out.

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A Different Approach:

Instead of trying to be perfect, try modeling.

Lead yourself the way you would guide someone else.

When a child is overwhelmed, you don’t yell at them for feeling. You ground them. You guide them. You simplify.

That’s what the “older self” inside you is meant to do.

Not eliminate the feeling. Lead through it.

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Getting Practical:

Next time you feel off, don’t try to fix everything.

Just do this:
First, say what’s happening:

“I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.”

Or even: “Oy, I messed up again.”

Then shift slightly:

“Based on my experience, what would I tell someone else who was struggling with this?”

That’s you stepping into the “older” role.

That’s you leading.

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Bottom line:

The real work is simple:

When you feel broken, don’t collapse.

Step up and lead yourself through it.