CBT ToolTalk #62: “The Sandwich He Didn’t Eat”

Two students are arguing.

One says, “My rabbi is so holy, he fasts every single day.”

The other says, “That’s impossible. I saw him yesterday eating a huge sandwich at the deli.”

The first one answers,
“Exactly. That just shows how humble he is. He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s fasting.”

It’s funny. But if you think about it, it’s also very real.

We all have things we “know” about ourselves or others. “I’m not good at this.” “He’s amazing.” “They don’t care.” And once that belief settles in, we stop checking it. It just becomes the lens we use.

So when something happens that doesn’t fit, we don’t usually question the belief. We explain the situation. We adjust the story so it still works.

That student didn’t ignore the sandwich. He explained it away.

That’s confirmation bias .

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What’s Actually Happening:

In CBT, this is a core belief at work. Something that already feels true, so everything else gets filtered through it.
You’ll see it if you watch yourself.

You get a compliment and think, “They’re just being nice.”
Something goes well and it’s, “It was luck.”
Someone shows care and you say, “They don’t really mean it.”

Same reality. Different interpretation.

We think we’re protecting something. But often we’re just protecting a belief that’s not helping us.

“I can’t change.”
“I’m just like this.”
“They don’t respect me.”

So even when life shows us something different, we quietly explain it away.

And then nothing changes.

דֶּרֶךְ אֱוִיל יָשָׁר בְּעֵינָיו וְשֹׁמֵעַ לְעֵצָה חָכָם

“The fool thinks his way is straight, but the wise person listens to counsel.” (Mishlei 12:15)

A fool isn’t someone who lacks intelligence. It’s someone who can’t step outside his own thinking.

The wise person creates space between “what I feel is true” and “what might actually be true.”

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Getting Practical:

This week, just notice one moment.

• One “sandwich.”

A compliment you dismissed.
A small win you minimized.
Something that didn’t fit your usual story.

Pause and say, “That doesn’t fully fit what I usually tell myself.”

Then ask,

• Is it possible my story isn’t 100% accurate?

You don’t need more than that.

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Bottom line:

We don’t lie to ourselves in big ways.

We just get very good at explaining away the sandwich