CBT ToolTalk #60: Rewriting the Story of Our Lives

Every year at the Seder we tell a story. Slavery. Struggle. Confusion. Small moments of hope. Then slowly, step by step, redemption. But there is something important about the way the Torah tells us to relate to that story.

The Haggadah says:

“בכל דור ודור חייב אדם לראות את עצמו כאילו הוא יצא ממצרים.”

"In every generation a person must see himself as if he personally left Egypt."

Pesach is not only about remembering the past. It is about learning how to see our own story. Because in many ways every person is also living a story of Egypt and redemption.

Seeing the Story Differently

This idea is sometimes called cognitive reframing. It means stepping back and asking a simple question: Is the story I am telling myself the only way to understand what happened?

In CBT, the tool is learning to separate the event itself from the meaning we automatically attach to it.

Two people can look at the exact same past and walk away with completely different stories. There is what actually happened, and then there is the meaning we attach to what happened.

A person might say: “My childhood made me this way.” “I went through things that damaged me.” “My life made me weaker.” “This is just who I am.” When that story settles in, it quietly shapes the way a person sees themselves. Not hopeful. Not growing. Just stuck inside the interpretation they believe about their past.

But the very same experiences can sometimes be understood differently. A person might instead say: “My life forced me to grow strengths I never would have developed otherwise.” The events themselves may not change, but the meaning attached to them can.

The Haggadah does something very similar. It does not just list events. It retells them. It takes suffering and places it inside a story of redemption. That shift changes how the entire story is understood. And sometimes we need to do the same with our own lives.

Instead of only asking, “Why did this happen to me?” we can begin asking different questions. “What strength came out of this?” “What did this experience shape in me?” “How did this chapter move my story forward?”

🔧 Getting Practical

This Nissan, try writing a very short personal Haggadah.

Ask yourself four questions:

1. My Mitzrayim

What was a narrow or difficult chapter in my life?

2. My moments of help

Where did I see unexpected support, strength, or guidance?

3. My growth

What qualities did those experiences develop in me?

4. My next step

What is one step forward in my story right now?

The goal is not to pretend the past was easy. The goal is to recognize that the story did not end there.

Final Thought

Pesach reminds us that redemption often begins long before we recognize it. Sometimes we only understand the story later, when we look back and realize that the struggles that once felt like Mitzrayim were also shaping the person we were becoming.

Your life is still being written. And the next chapter may hold more possibility than you realize.

This Nissan, try writing your own short Haggadah.

You may discover that your story contains more redemption than you realized.