CBT ToolTalk #56: What Is Your Primary?

Rav Saadya Gaon begins Emunot V’Deot with a striking idea:

“כי לא יוכל האדם לחיות בלי דעות, ואם לא יאמץ לו דעות נכונות - יאחז בדעות שווא.”

“A man cannot live without opinions, and if he does not adopt true ones, he will adopt false ones.”

Every human being lives by certain core beliefs. They are the hidden “operating system” of our lives. If you don’t clarify them, you’ll end up absorbing beliefs from culture, pressure, or fear - and they may be false, limiting, or destructive.

✨ The Primary vs. the Secondary

The Nesivos Shalom explains that in avodas Hashem a person must decide: what is ikar (primary) and what is tafel (secondary). Without that clarity, life gets upside down.

So the question becomes:

• What is your primary?

Is it my job?

My health?

My family?

My emotional balance?

All of these are important. But they are secondary.

The true primary is: Crowning Hashem as King.

That is the essence of Elul and Rosh Hashanah: to examine not just what we do, but what we live for.

🧠 CBT Parallel: Understanding Core Beliefs

In CBT, core beliefs are the deepest assumptions we hold about ourselves, others, and the world. They usually form in childhood through repeated experiences.

Healthy core beliefs:

“I am worthy because Hashem created me in His image.”

“Mistakes are part of growth.”

“Others can be trusted.”

Distorted core beliefs:

“I only have value if I succeed.”

“I’m a burden if I have needs.”

“The world is dangerous; I must always be on guard.”

These beliefs operate silently in the background - like tinted lenses. You don’t notice them, but they color everything you see and do.

For example:

A distorted belief of “I am unworthy” → you might interpret a neutral comment as criticism.

A Torah-true belief of “I am a נשמה אלוקית” → the same comment becomes feedback, not an attack.

Rav Saadya Gaon is warning us: you can’t live belief-free. You will build your life on some set of assumptions. The question is: are they aligned with truth or with falsehood?

🛠 Practical Tool: Identifying and Replacing Core Beliefs

Catch a Core Belief in Action

When you feel intense shame, fear, or hopelessness, pause and ask:

“What does this feeling say I believe about myself or life?”

(e.g., “If I fail at this, I’m worthless.”)

Test It Against Torah Truth

Does it align with what Hashem says?

Torah: “כי בצלם אלקים עשה את האדם” (Bereishis 9:6).

If my belief says, “I have no worth,” that cannot be true.

Reframe the Belief

Replace the distortion with Torah-aligned truth:

“My worth comes from being a נשמה, not from my successes.”

Live the New Belief Through Action

Anchor it with one behavior:

If the old belief was “I’m a burden,” call a friend to share a need - and let them support you.

If the old belief was “I’m only valuable when perfect,” deliberately celebrate a small effort, not only the outcome.

Final Thought

Elul is the time of cheshbon hanefesh. But as the Nesivos Shalom teaches, it’s not only about reviewing deeds - it’s about clarifying your primary.

On Rosh Hashanah we declare:

“מלוך על כל העולם כולו בכבודך.”

“Reign over the entire world in Your glory.”

Rav Saadya Gaon: You will live by beliefs - the only choice is whether they’re true or false.

Nesivos Shalom: The only true primary belief is Hashem as King.

When you put Hashem in the center, everything else in life - family, work, health - becomes blessed as the secondary.

That’s how core beliefs are transformed into a crown for Hashem.