CBT ToolTalk #53: The Hidden Spark Within

We move through life quickly. People pass us on the street, in shul, in our families, at work. And it’s easy to label, dismiss, or stop seeing what’s really there.

Recently, I met a woman on the streets of Jerusalem. She wasn’t religious. She slept outside near a bakery, used an oxygen mask, and clearly carried a hard story.

One day she called out to me. I assumed she wanted some money. Instead, she said it was her mother’s yahrzeit. She wanted to put food into a shul to honor her mother, and she insisted it include all four categories of brachos.

Despite her circumstances, despite how far she seemed from Jewish life, something inside her knew exactly what mattered. Kavod for a parent. A neshama reaching upward. A quiet act of connection.

The Nesivos Shalom explains that part of emunah means trusting there’s a spark of holiness within every Jew - including yourself. No matter how someone appears, that spark never fully disappears.

A rebbe of mine once traveled to Eretz Yisrael. When he reached passport control, the officer looked at his passport photo - an old picture from before he was religious. Back then, he didn’t have a black hat and beard. Now he stood there fully observant, and the officer did a double take. In Hebrew, she asked, "מה קרה לך?" - "What happened to you?"

He simply replied, “A pintle yid, a spark of holiness.” In other words, that inner Jewish spark had awakened, and that’s what changed him.

How Cognitive Restructuring Helps Us See the Good

From a CBT perspective, our minds are naturally wired to scan for threats and deficiencies. It’s a survival instinct. We notice what’s wrong much faster than what’s good, alive, or meaningful. Once we label someone as “gone” or “not my type,” our brain stops looking for evidence of goodness.

This is where cognitive restructuring comes in. It’s the process of consciously shifting those automatic thought patterns. When we start training ourselves to see the good in others, we’re not just being kind; we’re actually rewiring our own mental habits. Over time, this helps us see the good in ourselves as well.

In other words, by practicing this shift outward by pausing labels, asking better questions and noticing small acts of good, we develop the ability to do the same inward. It’s a process, and it begins by choosing to look again.

🛠 Getting Practical: How to Reframe and See the Spark

• Pause the label

When you catch yourself thinking, “What’s wrong with this person?” just notice the thought. Don’t let it define the whole story.

• Ask a better question

Instead of “Why are they like this?” ask, “What spark might be here that I’m not seeing yet?”

• Look for one small act

Don’t look for perfection. Look for a moment of effort, respect, or care. Even one small act can reveal the spark.

• Apply this inward

When you’re hard on yourself, ask, “What good am I overlooking right now?” Notice a small act of consistency or kindness you showed, and let that count.

• Strengthen what you see

When you notice goodness in others or in yourself, it grows. When it’s ignored, it stays hidden.

A Final Thought

The pintle yid doesn’t disappear because of life circumstances, confusion, or distance. It waits quietly for someone, maybe even yourself, to notice it. The Slonimer Rebbe reminds us that emunah includes believing in that spark within every Jew, and that includes yourself.