CBT ToolTalk #52: Carrying It Alone Is Not Bitachon

Many people believe that unburdening and sharing difficulties is a lack of emunah (faith) - that real bitachon (trust) means handling things on your own.

“If I truly trust Hashem, I shouldn’t need help.”

“If I start complaining, maybe it means I lack emunah.”

“If I really believed Hashem is running everything, I should just accept it quietly.”

This way of thinking feels spiritual, but it is not the Torah’s way.

After the Jewish people complained again about the manna, Moshe told Hashem that the burden of leading them was too much for him. Hashem responded by telling him to share the responsibility with others:

📖 “וְנָשְׂאוּ אִתְּךָ בְּמַשָּׂא הָעָם וְלֹא־תִשָּׂא אַתָּה לְבַדֶּךָ”

“They shall carry the burden of the people with you, and you will not carry it alone.” (Bamidbar 11:17)

Depending on people is not a lack of emunah. It is part of Hashem’s design.

Often, the hesitation to share isn’t about burdening others. It’s fear of how we’ll be seen.

“If I share, people will think I’m weak.”

“If I say what’s really going on, they’ll think something is wrong with me.”

This is called catastrophizing - assuming the worst outcome and treating it as fact. In reality, the opposite often happens.

I once coached at a large personal growth seminar. After a group share where people openly spoke about where they felt most stuck in life, one participant said emotionally, “This is the holiest group of people I’ve ever been with.” That reaction came because people shared their struggles, not despite them.

Vulnerability doesn’t usually repel people. It makes us relatable and real. Many people are struggling with the same things - we’re just all afraid to be the first to say it out loud.

Why Sharing Actually Helps

From a CBT perspective, distress that stays inside keeps the nervous system in a constant state of alert. When thoughts and worries remain unspoken, the body reads them as unresolved danger.

Our Rabbis describe this precisely.

📖 “דְּאָגָה בְּלֶב אִישׁ יַשְׂחֶנָּה”

“When worry sits in a person’s heart, let him lighten it.” (Mishlei 12:25)

The Talmud (Brachos 55b) explains:

ישיחנה מדעתו - move it aside from the mind

ישיחנה לאחרים - speak it out to others

Sharing does not mean denying emunah. It means easing inner pressure. Speaking does not mean fixing. It means unloading. The nervous system relaxes when it knows it is not alone.

Healthy sharing allows for emotional regulation, clearer thinking, reduced shame, and a return to perspective.

🛠 Getting Practical

Choose one safe and appropriate person

Share one layer, not everything

Speak without needing solutions

Let being heard do its work

You are not asking someone to fix your life. You are letting yourself be human.

💬 Takeaway

Trusting Hashem does not mean pretending you are not overwhelmed. It means recognizing how Hashem actually runs the world - through people, relationships, and shared responsibility.

Hashem did not create us to carry life alone. Allowing support is part of how He sustains us.