CBT ToolTalk #51: How to Spot Small Changes That Matter

Sometimes we get stuck seeing people, including ourselves, only through old habits or tendencies. We notice what went wrong before, and we miss the small shifts in the ways we respond now.

In the story of Yosef, there is a clear illustration of this. Yosef created a scenario with Binyamin and the goblet to see if his brothers would repeat the old pattern of leaving a brother behind. Rav Hirsch explains that when Yehuda said, Bereishis 44:33, “וְעַתָּה יֵשֶׁב־נָא עַבְדְּךָ תַּחַת הַנַּעַר”, “Let me remain instead of the boy,” Yosef saw that they stood up for Binyamin this time and recognized a new way they were responding. They were not the same as before.

Yosef was looking for a shift in their behavior, not just their words.

Noticing Old Habits and Tendencies

Our brains tend to stick to the familiar. When we have seen someone act a certain way in the past, we expect that same habit or tendency to continue. But growth is often about noticing when a different habit starts to appear. Instead of being stuck in old assumptions, we can train ourselves to look for small shifts in how we or others respond.

This applies both to how we see others and how we see ourselves. By noticing these new tendencies, we can give a bit more benefit of the doubt and see that real growth is happening.

🔧 Practical Tool: Spotting New Habits

Try this simple practice:

When you find yourself stuck in a negative view, ask: “Is there any sign of a different habit or way of responding here?”

Look for even one moment where the reaction is a bit more thoughtful or compassionate than before.

Acknowledge it. Just noticing one new tendency can help us shift our perspective.

• A Final Thought: Recognizing New Ways of Responding

Yosef did not reveal himself because the past was erased. He revealed himself because he saw a new way his brothers were responding. When we start noticing these new habits or tendencies in ourselves and others, we open the door to seeing real growth.

May we all have the insight to see those changes and the patience to appreciate the small but meaningful steps forward.