CBT ToolTalk #44: When the Nights Get Longer - Real Safety in Dark Times

After the holidays end and the month of MarCheshvan begins, many people feel a quiet emotional drop. The days get shorter, the nights feel longer, and our energy seems to fade.

Psychologically, this isn’t just imagination - studies show that decreased sunlight affects our serotonin and melatonin levels, which regulate mood and alertness. When light decreases, the brain tends to slow down, leading to low motivation, fatigue, or even sadness.

The Torah recognizes this seasonal shift too. MarCheshvan is often called the “bitter month” because it has no Yamim Tovim - a time when the light of Tishrei must now be carried inside.

• The Confusion Between Comfort and Safety

When we feel low, the mind looks for comfort - food, distraction, entertainment, or control.

Comfort feels good in the short term but doesn’t actually help us feel safe.

Safety means you can be calm even while things are uncertain.

Comfort means you avoid discomfort, but the fear stays underneath.

Comfort says: “If I can just distract myself, I’ll be okay.”

Safety says: “Even if I can’t fix everything right now, I’m still okay - because Hashem is with me.”

King David expressed this difference clearly:

“גם כי אלך בגיא צלמות לא אירא רע כי אתה עמדי.”

“Even when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.” (Tehillim 23:4)

He didn’t say the darkness went away - he said he was not afraid within it.

• CBT Insight: The Safety Circuit

In cognitive-behavioral terms, our nervous system has two modes:

Threat mode (fight, flight, or freeze)

Safety mode (rest and connection)

When daylight fades or stress increases, the brain can default to threat mode - scanning for problems, staying tense, and misreading normal events as danger.

The Torah’s approach - awareness, tefillah (prayer), and emunah (faith) - activates the safety circuit: a mindset of trust that quiets the body’s overreaction.

“מה יקר חסדך אלקים ובני אדם בצל כנפיך יחסיון.”

“How precious is Your kindness, Hashem; mankind finds refuge in the shadow of Your wings.” (Tehillim 36:8)

This “shadow” isn’t just poetic - it’s psychological.

A person who lives with bitachon (trust) feels safe even in the shade, while someone chasing comfort will still feel anxious in full sunlight.

And this sense of safety isn’t only about faith - it’s also about how we treat ourselves.

We can remind our minds and bodies: I am safe right now.

Simple grounding actions - breathing, noticing your surroundings, or feeling your heartbeat - send the nervous system the message: “You’re okay.”

Safety begins with knowing Hashem holds you, and continues when you reassure yourself that you’re not in danger right now.

• Practical Tools for MarCheshvan

Recognize the Pattern

When the early evenings or quiet nights feel heavy, remind yourself: this is biological, not a personal failure. Your body is adjusting to the season.

Create Predictable Structure

Consistent wake times, learning sessions, or tefillah (prayer) routines help your brain reestablish safety through predictability.

Bring Light into the Dark

Physically: open windows, light candles, take morning walks.

Spiritually: review one Torah idea each night that reminds you of Hashem’s presence.

Reframe “Comfort” into “Calm”

Instead of reaching for short-term comfort, pause and breathe:

“Hashem, I’m safe with You right now.”

Then add: “And I’m okay right now too.”

This small shift trains both the soul and the nervous system toward real safety.

✨ Torah Perspective

Every period has its own avodah - its unique spiritual work.

The month of Tishrei is about spiritual renewal; Cheshvan is about stability - bringing holiness into the ordinary.

When we carry that focus forward, even darkness becomes purposeful.

And just as the sukkah gave us physical shade to teach spiritual security, MarCheshvan invites us to internalize that lesson - to find safety not only in Hashem’s protection, but also in remembering that we are safe, steady, and held in this very moment.

💬 Takeaway

You don’t need more light to feel safe.

You need to know Who is with you in the dark -

and to remind yourself that you’re safe right now.

That awareness - calm, grounded, trusting - is safety.