CBT ToolTalk #40: Cheshbon Hanefesh — The Power of Positive Accounting

Elul, the month before Rosh Hashana is a time of introspection. These are days when we naturally take stock of our lives. Chazal call this cheshbon hanefesh - an accounting of the soul.

Too often, we think this means only listing mistakes and feeling guilty. But true cheshbon is not just about where you failed - it’s about where you fought, where you tried, and where you held on.

“Just as a person is judged for his actions, he is also judged for failing to rejoice in the good he has done and for not seeing his own light.”

Baal Shem Tov

It’s not humility to ignore the good inside you - it’s distortion.

• CBT Parallel: Breaking the Negativity Filter

In CBT this is called mental filtering - the brain highlights failures while minimizing successes. It’s a distortion that breeds shame, low motivation, and burnout.

Real self-growth means breaking that filter.

Even on a hard day - especially on a hard day - noticing your effort is truth. Ignoring it is distortion.

“וְהָאִישׁ מֹשֶׁה עָנָו מְאֹד” (במדבר יב:ג)

“And the man Moshe was exceedingly humble” (Bamidbar 12:3),

Chazal explain this didn’t mean he denied his greatness. He knew exactly who he was - His humility was that he knew it all came from Hashem.

🛠 Getting Practical: The 3-Part Cheshbon Tool

At the end of the day (or week), jot down three points - even in your phone notes:

One struggle I faced honestly.

(“I avoided starting work until late.”)

(“I scrolled on my phone instead of learning.”)

One thing I did right - even small.

(“I pulled myself together and davened Mincha with a minyan.”)

(“I said no to one distraction and learned for 10 minutes.”)

One truth to reframe the day.

This step changes the whole picture. The brain often leaves you with a harsh headline like: “I wasted the whole day,” or “I’m such a failure.” Reframing means deliberately writing a new, truer headline:

“I struggled, but I still showed up for tefillah.”

“I didn’t learn as much as I wanted, but I didn’t give up completely.”

“I made mistakes, but I also repaired and grew.”

Reframing doesn’t erase failure. It prevents failure from erasing your growth.

Final Thought

Tehillim (9:13) says:

“זוכר כל הנשכחות אתה הוא”

“You remember all that is forgotten.”

And on Rosh Hashanah we say in our tefillos:

“ותעלה זכרוננו וזכרון אבותינו… לפניך לזכרון לטובה.”

“May our remembrance, and the remembrance of our forefathers, rise before You for good.”

Even in judgment, we don’t only recall failures - we highlight the greatness of our ancestors. That itself is a model for us: our own accounting must include victories, growth, and light.

Hashem remembers the victories we dismiss, the small acts of strength we barely notice, the light we forget to acknowledge.

This Elul, don’t just ask: “What did I mess up?”

Also ask: “Where did I fight? Where did I hold on?”

That’s not arrogance, That’s Emes.