CBT ToolTalk #39: The Message of Shabbos – Rest Is Not Laziness, It’s a Must

“I’m doing everything I’m supposed to… yet I feel completely drained.”

Our lives are filled with obligations, many of them pulling us in different directions. With responsibilities to family, work, Hashem and His Torah, and chesed in our community and at home, slowing down can feel impossible. Yet Hashem instructed us that rest is not a luxury; it is a mitzvah that sustains our soul. It’s called Shabbos.

The Nesivos Shalom teaches that menuchah (rest) is not merely physical rest - it is inner peace, the soul returning to its root. Even when our body rests, if our mind races, the rest fails to fulfill its spiritual purpose.

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The Doctor’s Advice

A relative of mine was a student overwhelmed during his studies - burned out, often sick, and emotionally depleted. When he visited a non-Jewish doctor, the doctor said, “You need to take one day off a week - for your health.”

The student thought, “I’m Jewish - we have that day. It’s Shabbos.”

That realization awakened something in him. If secular science recognizes the power of one day of rest, Torah sanctifies it. Since then, he began observing Shabbos with intention - and found physical and spiritual renewal.

A Father’s Struggle

Last week a friend confided in me and shared how his Shabbos felt anything but calming: rushing from synagogue to meals to caring for his young children, with no time for himself.

Together, we built “quiet pockets” into his day - five minutes to sit in silence before the meal, or a short moment after the kids’ nap, when he didn’t feel obligated to host or teach. Those pockets helped Shabbos shift from hectic to healing.

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CBT Insight: Boundaries Are Soul Medicine

Psychology teaches that our nervous system needs parasympathetic triggers - moments that say, You are safe now. Without that, our default is to focus on what needs to be done, or what has happened in the past. Many of us carry this subconscious “on guard” feeling, preparing for whatever is coming up next.

Shabbos is such a signal. Without it, the body remains in stress mode, leading to burnout, irritability, and emotional depletion.

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🛠 Getting Practical: Tools for Shabbos Rest

1️⃣ Name the Rest as a Mitzvah

Say: “Right now, this is my spiritual work - rest and renewal.”

2️⃣ Release the Week

Like clearing kitchen countertops before Shabbos, write down pending tasks and set them aside - literally and mentally.

3️⃣ Use Ritual to Signal Rest

Sing zemiros (Shabbos songs) slowly - even slower than usual - to sink heartfully into Shabbos. Perhaps take a little longer in your tefillah (Shabbos prayer) and allow yourself to deepen your connection to Hashem. The Nesivos Shalom encouraged people to go to a Shalom Zachor, even if tired from the week, because in that safe space we are more open to communication and connection: “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is when brothers dwell together in unity.” (Tehillim 133:1)

4️⃣ Create Mini-Shabbos Moments

During the week, take short phone-free, quiet intervals that model menuchah.

5️⃣ Protect Your Quiet Pockets

Small, intentional rest spaces - like the father of two created - are essential for true presence.

🕯 Shabbos is not a break from life. It is the point to which life is meant to lead.

When you keep it with intention, it keeps you - body, soul, and spirit.

Shabbat Shalom!