CBT ToolTalk #15: Staying Inspired After the High Holidays: The STAR Method

The chagim (High Holidays) season is a very special time. Elul and selichos, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, the sukkah, and Simchas Torah are a time of tremendous introspection, renewal, and spiritual growth. Many of us felt inspired to spark a change, grow, and stay connected.

For many, it was nearly a full month away from regular schedules, as if living in a spiritual bubble with friends and family. It can be very challenging to return to our routine. Coming back to the “real world” after this unique period can feel like something of a letdown. The spiritual adjustment, combined with the day-to-day pressures, can make it difficult to “get back into it.”

Through reflecting on these opportune days and applying the STAR method, we can, b’ezras Hashem (with Hashem’s help), use the power of our positive experiences to find the strength to return to our regular lives, hold onto what we’ve gained, and fuel our growth for the coming year.

What is the STAR Method?

The STAR method is a powerful tool for reflecting on positive experiences and using them to inform future actions. It involves breaking down a positive event into four components:

Situation: Using vivid imagery and sensory details to recreate the experience, describe the specific situation or context where the positive experience occurred.

Thoughts: Identify the positive thoughts and beliefs associated with the experience. Pay attention to your inner dialogue. What were you telling yourself?

Actions: Consider the actions you took that contributed to the positive outcome. What was happening that made your experience special? How can you recreate it?

Results: Reflect on the positive emotions and outcomes resulting from the experience. If you could recreate it, what would be the long-term impact of the experience on yourself and others?

Applying the STAR Method to Your High Holiday Experiences

Sarah, a busy mother, struggled to transition back to her demanding home life and work schedule after the warmth and joy of the High Holidays. She felt overwhelmed and unmotivated. To regain her momentum, she reflected on a positive experience from the holidays: spending quality time with her family in the sukkah, particularly a moment when they sat around the table building a puzzle together.

This experience evoked feelings of love, gratitude, and connection, which motivated her to return to work with renewed energy and purpose. Longing to keep that connection, she committed to giving each of her children 20 minutes of “mommy and me” alone time each week to stay connected. Envisioning a stronger bond with each of her children only strengthened her resolve.

David, a high school student, felt a deep spiritual connection during Yom Kippur. The introspection and prayer helped him clarify his goals and aspirations. To maintain this momentum, he reflected on his experience - specifically, a moment when the chazan sang “Anu tzonecha, v’ata roeinu” (We are your flock, and You are our shepherd) to a particularly moving melody.

With a tear in his eye, he remembered feeling uniquely proud to be part of a people chosen by the Almighty. Setting practical goals, he committed to learning a book on bitachon (trust in Hashem) and to reciting the first paragraph of the Shema prayer with extra kavana (intent). This led to a deeper connection to his faith, increased motivation, and renewed commitment to his studies.

Getting Practical:

Journaling: Write about your positive experiences in detail. This can help you process emotions and identify valuable lessons, perhaps even finding someone to share those findings with.

Goal Setting: Using the STAR method, set specific, achievable goals.

Additional Practical Tips for a Smooth Transition

Ease Back In: Start slowly and gradually increase your workload.

Set Realistic Goals: Break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps.

Prioritize Tasks: Focus on the most important tasks first.

Practice Mindfulness and Create the Right Mindset: Take breaks to practice mindfulness techniques, like deep breathing or meditation. Recalling those positive experiences and feelings can also help reduce overwhelm.

Connect with Others: Spend time with loved ones to maintain positive social connections.

Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge your accomplishments, no matter how small.

May you see only success and blessings in the new year!