CBT ToolTalk #14: The World is Our Mirror: Self-Perception and Our Relationships to Others and Hashem

Your fellow man is your mirror. If your own face is clean, the image you perceive will also be flawless. But should you look upon your fellow man and see a blemish, it is your own imperfection that you are encountering. You are being shown what you must correct within yourself. - The Baal Shem Tov

Everyone has a self-schema. These are generalizations we believe about ourselves, both good and bad. They come from our experiences and are reinforced in our interactions with others. Whether aware of it or not, we are constantly looking for validation for our self-schema from the world around us.

This is not only true of others but also in our relationship with Hashem.

Yaakov was still single at 50. He'd never been married and was still living at home. Struggling with depression and unable to hold down a job, he felt dejected, rejected, and alone. He came to me to discuss his relationship with Hashem. He so wanted a relationship with his Creator to find meaning, strength, and comfort through his struggles.

He claimed that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't connect or truly feel Hashem's presence. After some work together, he realized that it was his self-schema that was convincing himself that Hashem wasn't interested in him, continuing this personal theme of "rejected" in his life. Once he realized this, he was able to allow himself to connect to Hashem as his loving Father who wants to connect with him.

Our limiting beliefs (see "The Inner Critic") create a blueprint of what we believe about ourselves, others and even Hashem.

As we approach Yom Kippur, let us allow ourselves to reconnect to our Creator without any preconceived notions about ourselves or others holding us back. Hashem is our loving Father in heaven who is merciful, slow to anger, and waiting with כביכול open arms to receive us. His only desire is that we have a sincere desire to return.

G'mar Chasima Tova! (You should be sealed in the book of life!)