CBT ToolTalk #13: Building Resilience: Finding Your Inner Strength

Life is a rollercoaster of ups and downs. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and challenges. It's about maintaining a positive outlook, adapting to change, and even finding meaning in difficult times. Resilience isn't just about surviving; it's about thriving through hardships.

Tools for Building Resilience

• Identify and Challenge Negative Thoughts: When faced with a difficult situation, one of the major challenges is the limiting beliefs that surface. Recognize self-defeating thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations.

Moshe's wife was diagnosed with a severe illness רח"ל, and his faith in Hashem was severely tested. After soul-searching, he realized that what truly bothered him was his feeling of rejection by G-d. By discussing this with his therapist, he realized that his limiting belief was that he believed himself to be "defective" and "worthless," and his wife's illness triggered these feelings. Using the tools he was given, he started to recognize that we can't understand Hashem's ways and that it's unfair to make assumptions and judgments based on our own false beliefs about ourselves.

• Develop a Growth Mindset: Believe in your ability to learn and grow from challenges. Remember, "Whatever doesn't destroy us only makes us stronger." Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this difficulty?"

• Practice Mindfulness: Cultivate present-moment awareness to reduce stress and increase self-awareness.

There was an elderly man sitting on a hospital bed, suffering. When asked, "How's the pain?" he answered, "Tolerable." One of his family members, seeing his discomfort, asked how he could tolerate it. He replied that if he thought about how long he'd been suffering or how much longer it could continue, there would be no way. But he focuses on the present moment, asking himself, "Right now, can I handle this pain? Yes."

• Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. Family, friends, a support group, etc., are invaluable resources. Being connected to a community is one of the foundations of being a Jew.

• Set Realistic Goals: If we think about the long to-do list or how long a struggle might continue, we can easily get overwhelmed and find it difficult to take care of even the smallest tasks. Break down large goals into smaller, achievable steps.

Torah Tools for Creating Resilience

• The Power of Prayer: Turning to Hashem in times of hardship can provide comfort and strength. Speak to Hashem in your own words. Take the opportunity to get closer to Him.

There's a parable about a man with a large family who had one sick son. Although he loved all his children equally, his attention was focused on the sick son, and their bond was strengthened during this trying time. Our rabbis teach us that when we are going through hardships, that's when Hashem is closest to us.

• The Importance of Hope: The Torah teaches us to maintain hope even in the face of adversity. Emunah (faith) and bitachon (trust) in Hashem are the foundation of who we are. Read about it, discuss it, Daven (pray) for it. Maybe even try "gratitude journaling" (see previous article on gratitude) with whatever strength you have. "Let go and let G-d."

• The Concept of Hitlahavut (enthusiasm): Instead of shutting down, numbing ourselves, and becoming despondent and lethargic, do things that will energize you. Learn Torah, Do chesed (Kindness for others) and connect to Hashem . Also, make sure to take care of yourself - exercise, eat healthy, listen to music and dance, do something you're passionate about, and connect to others.

Getting Practical:

• Visualization: Imagine yourself overcoming challenges and achieving your goals. Imagine the strength and understanding you will have gained.

• Take at least one of the tools above and do it. Give yourself the opportunity to create resilience!